Kids all over the world are the most precious thing on this planet. The joy they give to every human being is enormous. However, we all know that no every moment of the day is the same. So today, we discuss with Christos Chrysostomou, a Private School and Educational Psychologist, about phrases we should not say to children.
How does a child perceive a scuffle or an observation?
According to Christos Chrysostomou, for a child experiencing frequent quarrels at home is very psychoactive. “He/she sees two people who love to disagree. To shout at each other. And in the worst case to hit each other”, he notes. In such an environment, the child may feel fear and insecurity. Also, his self-esteem is likely to decline and emotional difficulties may occur.
The School and Educational Psychologist emphasizes that “the most common phenomenon is that the child feels the blame. He/she feels responsible for his/her parents’ quarrels”. The result, among other things, may be a decrease in his/her learning performance. Then, it’s the influence of his/her social skills.
This is the best investment you can make
However, the child has the ability to “feel the feelings of his/her parents. It is possible that, after a tussle, they may attribute their bad mood, anxiety or distress to him/her”, Christos Chrysostomou notes.
Phrases we should not tell to children
There are many wrong words and phrases. But which are the phrases we should not say to children? Everyday fatigue and reduced time, as Christos Chrysostomou says, make us say words that we regret. “The words that children should not hear are definitely anything that can diminish their confidence”. They may relate to their learning performance.
The tendency to constantly focus on the negative, “even if our child does something positive”, is largely dominated, says expert Christos Chrysostomou. For example, “our child’s exam is 18/20. We might say ‘Fortunately you didn’t get 13/20 once again’”. What is the reason and motive for the child to try again? “The child may automatically feel rejection, that his/ her efforts are not accounted for,” he notes.
Observation, punishment or advice to children?
“No to punishment, yes to deprivation, when children don’t follow the rules set by the whole family”, he advises. As Christos Chrysostomou explains, a privilege can be anything the child likes and enjoys. For example, computer games, visit the neighborhood kiosk.
With regard to observation and advice it is a good idea to do so in a positive way. We must not “always guide our children in the way we wish”, because as the School and Educational Psychologist notes, “whatever you try to convey to a child, there is always the best way to say it. Then the child will answer, as he/she thinks he/she is right. You are called upon to understand the feeling behind the words”.
*Christos Chrysostomou is a School and Educational Psychologist. He offers learning, emotional and cognitive assessment. He also offers counseling for parents, children and adolescents.
