Too often our children make us angry and wonder how we can make them feel sorry for some of the disorder they have done. We use the phrase “I will punish you” and most of the time we don’t do anything because after a while the anger subsides and we regret our behavior.
But is punishment an appropriate approach?
It has long been thought that children should be punished when they do something wrong because in this way they will know what their limits are and if they do so again they will suffer the consequences. So they are responsible for their actions.
It isn’t uncommon for children to be stigmatized and adopt negative behaviors so that what they know in advance can happen. Realizing that they “fail”, they don’t “do nothing right” and they are permanently punished, their self-esteem falls to a very low level. As a result, they become aware of the role of the “bad child” and then act and behave accordingly, to provoke attention and to be punished, creating a vicious circle.
But the other point of view prevails lately
The reward (in advance) has been proven to be more effective and certainly less painful for both our children and our parents, as punishment also has the feeling of guilt (did I do well and punished him?).
Reward is when we use an incentive to motivate the child to complete his or her job, for example if he/she finishes his/her classes in a certain time he/she will go for a walk.
With complete love, tranquility and serenity, without unnecessary lectures and sermons, we show him/her confidence that he/she will do his/her job without unnecessary grumbling and delay. Once it’s done, we reward him/her with a ride and positive comments.
If, of course, he is not consistent and doesn’t finish on time, then we must point out to him that it’s his/her responsibility to lose his/her ride.
One way or another, in my opinion, the moment of the disorder plays an important role, that is, the mood we have as parents, how much patience we have and how angry we are. So patience since we all know it … the kids demand our attention and quality time with us.
