How to say “no” without hurting people? If you’re used to constantly agreeing with others and taking responsibilities you later regret then you need to find a new approach within yourself in order to build new resistance mechanisms…
Many of us believe that saying “no” to anybody at work or in any other situation will automatically make us disliked and we’ll lose all appreciation and respect.
In the end, however, the boundaries are broken and we enter a vicious circle of doubts and “ifs” that have no substance. This leads to overbearing anger that gives us misery and anxiety.
Experts mention the term “compassion threshold”, which means treating any difficulty with compassion and careful listening. When the boundary is broken the first thing we feel is usually anger. It also protects us from danger and serves as a reminder that we must rebuild our boundaries in order to restore harmony and balance within ourselves.
Declining without insulting
When do we lose compassion?
When we say ‘yes’, meaning to say “no”
The problems of others become our priority.
When we neglect important issues that make us concerned about our home or work.
When we suffer physically because there is too much focus on external stimuli to the point that we ignore our needs such as sleep, exercise and nutrition…
We become overly apologetic and don’t express what we really feel.
For example, anger in the workplace is often triggered during social interactions. Such as when a colleague doesn’t do his part in the project; the manager won’t recognize our input, etc.
How to set boundaries
- Find the exact moment when you notice a threshold has been crossed.
- Approach your feelings with kindness.
- Find out which needs are related to your emotions.
- Recognize your own limits of compassion.
- Express your compassion boundaries in words.
Make a positive statement (you can use the following examples at work or at home):
-I appreciate everything you have contributed to our team.
-I appreciate our friendship and I never forget how much you always care and support me.
– Be direct and specific.
– I want to find a more efficient way of dealing with the urgent matters that arise at work.
– Lead with compassion.
– Talk to everyone else involved.
– Ask the opinion of others: “Are you happy with this? Do you have any other suggestions that would work better for you? ”
-Don’t obsess over the results.
Be kind…
You may not get what you were looking for but its important to share your “truth” with kindness. If we ignore our true feelings our boundaries will continue to be broken down. And we’ll be unable to show compassion to ourselves or anyone else.
When channeled properly anger can set healthy boundaries without crossing the boundaries of the others. This means living courageously and compassionately, which is something we all need today.
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